What exactly are we looking for??

Well here I am again;

with my reflection in my laptop reminding me of the last hour of crying in a tub of bubbles..

And with a bowl of choc chips by my side, and after promising I wouldn't bring any more home to ensure I would break this habit...only to find some white choc chips in the pantry from Christmas baking..

I only know once again I laid in my bath crying... and asking my self.. why,, why am I crying AGAIN....what or who am I missing??

I had just finished reading the definition of relationship..

only to find we have tons of relationships... ranging from those who bag our groceries to the person we have more “intimate relations” with.

Maybe that's what started the water works.. Earlier today I was reminded of how much I missed my girl friend back home. We have shared happy times and some sad times and mostly.. just times.. just days that go by, but with something more.. an understanding...And then I remember, it just so happens to be valentines coming, a perfect time to remind her of how much I cherish her friendship.... wow.. did I just say cherish... yes I did..

and there it is; I miss my friend.. not just that one.. but the one I have always missed.. the one I thought I had.. but then to realize I had only been comforted out of some sort of obligation rather than by someone who truly cared what I was feeling. That is sad.. that maybe hurts more that the realization that my marriage was over since that's what I fought for.. The friendship.. to care for.. to be cared for.. to share.. to look for or have fun in common.. I guess now is the time to Google friendship...

But as far as 'relationships' go;

I have come to realize that infatuation is for the young and naive.

Then I thought I wanted romance.. to be swept off my feet.. ya that landed me in a pool of tears with my face in my pillow crying out 'NO .. NOT AGAIN'.. that didn't sweep me off my feet but land me right on my face...

Definition of Friendship;

Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:

• The tendency to desire what is best for the other
• Sympathy and empathy
• Honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
• Mutual understanding and compassion; ability to go to each other for emotional support
• Enjoyment of each other's company
• Trust in one another

Positive reciprocity — a relationship is based on equal give-and-take between the two parties.

• The ability to be oneself, express one's feelings and make mistakes without fear of judgement.

And THERE we should be adding to wedding vows!!