There are few things I wish I had never had to experience so far in this life. One is feeling the pain I thought should kill me.. but all.. have brought me back to who I am. Who I was created to be.
This pain....no matter how much I have and will grow from it, will never equate to the feeling of the pain and joy of child birth. It was my children that kept me alive. If I only lived this life so far for them.. It was worth it all.
I pray everyday they will be the women they were created to be. Truely, honestly and maybe like their mom.. with a little touch of sass.
Saturday, 30 July 2011
Thursday, 28 July 2011
Beginning Again
I remember a poem that my kids used to say: Jack and Jill sitting in a tree, k.i.s.s.i.n.g. first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Jill pushing a baby carriage...
Well around October I think, of two years ago, my husband of then 23 yrs, told me he didn't love me. Never did. And resented that he had wasted his life on a family when he could have been doing anything he wanted.
Well needless to say I thought I should die. right then, right there.. how could I go so long and not see it. Even worse why is that the first question I ask myself instead of 'why the hell did he say "I do"???'
Of course being from a Christian back ground and us "serving the Lord" was to assure a happily ever after. Well.. sorry to say .. some Christians lie too. and 'forever'??? its like all this time thinking the world was flat.. a nice neat circle with boundaries and if everyone did their part everything would be fine.. then all in one day your eyes are opened and ITs ROUND.. we could just go ANYWHERE.. just wander without boundaries or boarders... so... now we have forever and ever and ever and ever... where ever you want it to go.. or end I suppose.
This blog is in part; my record of a journey ... not just survived but lived and enjoyed. And with lots and lots of tears and heartbreak and sadness.. comes joy in the morning..
and, to maybe help someone else know. .. that this is NOT normal!! this is a train wreck and you couldn't have known when you bought the ticket.
And most important.. to LIVE, LOVE AND LAUGH as OFTEN as possible!!! which sometimes involves Internet dating at 50!!! who knew!!! haha..so here I go.
Well around October I think, of two years ago, my husband of then 23 yrs, told me he didn't love me. Never did. And resented that he had wasted his life on a family when he could have been doing anything he wanted.
Well needless to say I thought I should die. right then, right there.. how could I go so long and not see it. Even worse why is that the first question I ask myself instead of 'why the hell did he say "I do"???'
Of course being from a Christian back ground and us "serving the Lord" was to assure a happily ever after. Well.. sorry to say .. some Christians lie too. and 'forever'??? its like all this time thinking the world was flat.. a nice neat circle with boundaries and if everyone did their part everything would be fine.. then all in one day your eyes are opened and ITs ROUND.. we could just go ANYWHERE.. just wander without boundaries or boarders... so... now we have forever and ever and ever and ever... where ever you want it to go.. or end I suppose.
This blog is in part; my record of a journey ... not just survived but lived and enjoyed. And with lots and lots of tears and heartbreak and sadness.. comes joy in the morning..
and, to maybe help someone else know. .. that this is NOT normal!! this is a train wreck and you couldn't have known when you bought the ticket.
And most important.. to LIVE, LOVE AND LAUGH as OFTEN as possible!!! which sometimes involves Internet dating at 50!!! who knew!!! haha..so here I go.
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